When I Couldn't Feel Anything
by MissLisaBennett
Summary: Harry/Ginny Written beacuse I ran out of short H/G and was sure some people were finding the same problem. Cutting and mature-ish themes. R&R if you feel like it. What happens when Ginny just needs to tell someone? sp/gram fixed thanx to KatyCullen09.


Rated T for cutting, and language, a bit of steam (not really) and oh ya and talking about some "female problems" and pregnancy. My fist uploaded fic and definitely not my best. I have a lot of trouble checking my own work, (and I was feeling lazy) so a BIG thank-you to KatyCullen09 for checking it over, great job. If you liked it or have anything constructive to say about the plot I'd love to hear it. Review!

Love MissLisaBennett

********************************************************************************************************************************************************

Ginny took great care when dressing the day after the battle, choosing each article of clothing deliberately. She didn't want to go down stairs into the common room. Hermione had come up earlier and told Ginny as sweetly as she could to get her ass downstairs with the rest of her family and friends. They were all mourning, the morning after the downfall of Voldemort and every person she knew was mourning. Why?

Of course she understood that many people had died and terrible losses etcetera, etcetera, and don't get her wrong- she would miss Fred, Remus, Tonks and the many unknown people just as much as the rest of them but they would want people to realize what they died for, not that they died.

Ginny was tired of being over emotional; she had been for nearly an entire year, ever since Harry left. She had grieved for so long for everyone that was dying; she had gone through that time where she couldn't feel anything at all. When her mind remembered that phase of her life she couldn't help but look down at the neat row of scars that littered her left arm. They were placed far too evenly and made far too precisely for them to have been an accident, no one, not a troll, not even Ron would fall for that.

Sighing in resign she pulled out a crisp, clean, pure onyx, long sleeved top, she hated long sleeves but didn't have much choice since March, that's when it had started.

She finished dressing while wondering sourly how much longer she could get away with wearing them, surly someone would notice soon, it was much to hot for long sleeves.

She made her way down the winding the girls staircase thinking. What did she want right now? If she could be anywhere, do anything what would it be?

Then she answered herself, she would be with Harry snogging the life out of him and splashing about in the lake. That would be the most fun she had in ages. It sounded so great….. Maybe she could convince Harry somehow…. 'But no' she thought bitterly 'my arm won't allow it.' She would give anything to have those scabbed defects removed, but how? Madam Pomfrey would ask questions, she usually didn't ask many but she drew the line at "self harm"

Ginny pushed open the discolored wooden door to reveal the mayhem that was her family, though everyone was subdued a hundred fold.

"Stop moping about you lot," she said decisively "they would want you to remember them but not die in grief." Nobody answered, nobody even moved. "Fine then," said Ginny angrily "I'm leaving," she pronounced "Come on Harry,"

"Whaaaa? Huh? Why? Where are we going?" he responded like a deer caught in headlights.

"NOW, Harry, get you ass in gear!" Ginny shouted at a confused family and a even more confused Harry

"Okay Gin, I'm coming don't get your knickers in a knot!" he said testily while walking across the common room. As he walked sunlight streamed in from the vast windows, illuminating his messy black hair, he looked soooooooo sexy Ginny could hardly restrain herself.

They walked along deserted and destroyed corridors, Ginny had no destination and Harry was just following her, scared for his life if he didn't. After about ten minutes Harry decided to takes his chances and ask the all important question

"Ginny, where the hell are we going?"

"No idea," was her reply.

"Right," he said obviously confused "well where do you want to go?"

"Swimming," she answered without thinking "but I can't."

"Ummm, okay, why?"

"'cause I haven't been swimming in ages," she said

"No," Harry said "not why swimming, swimming sounds like fun, I mean why can't you swim?"

"Oh, that, well, its 'cause, shit, ummm," she continued to stutter in this manner for a moment before finishing with "because I can't. Simple as that!"

"Don't lie to me Gin, I know you can swim you're better than I am, Charlie taught you!"

"Arrrgggg," Ginny moaned throwing her hands into the air "it's not that I don't know how to swim, its that I can't swim right NOW!"

"OH," said Harry in a voice of dawning comprehension "that explains your mood."

"Huh?" asked Ginny "explains what?"

"Why you're acting so weird," Harry answered as though it was obvious. "Don't worry Gin, I get it you're having womanly problems, don't sweat we'll go swimming later," Harry added feeling rather proud of himself for caching on so soon. There had been a time when Ginny had hinted that to be her excuse for not going swimming while they were dating too, it had taken the whole day of him nagging her and her hinting strongly before she just came right out and told him that it was her time of the month and she wasn't feeling up to 'doing that other thing'.

"HARRY, I AM NOT ACTING WEIRD! AND EVEN IF I WAS JUST BECAUSE I'M A GIRL DOESN'T MEAN THAT I'M MOODY AT MY TIME OF THE MONTH!!!!" Ginny shouted at the top of her piercing voice, one octave higher and only dogs would have been able to hear it.

Harry was shrinking against the wall horrified at the rage that Ginny was producing, making a mental note to never, ever mentioned this topic ever again. "S-s-s-sorry Gin," he stuttered eyes wide and terrified even though she was a head shorter than him. "I just thought…. last time… swimming," he was rambling, he knew it but he figured it was safer hiding in his own mind than trying to come out and speak a coherent thought. Ginny watched Harry still stuttering mumbling things and suddenly felt very, very tired, she just wanted to give up and cry, keeping this secret was eating her up.

"It's not your fault Harry," she said quietly eyes filling up with tears "I'm just frustrated." With this, great drops of water started sliding down her red face. Harry was at loss to see why she was acting this way, first she was yelling, now she's balling her head off.

"Gin?" Harry said perplexed "what's up?

"Oh Harry," Ginny cried throwing herself into Harry's arms.

"It's okay Doll, it's okay," Harry crooned into Ginny's ear "just let it all out, and when your done you can tell me about it, okay?"

"M-m-mhhmmmm," Ginny moaned.

************************************************************************

Harry wasn't sure how long they stood there, Ginny wailing her heat out onto Harry's chest, his arms tight around her like a wall of protection trying to keep more hurt out. Finally Ginny's howls turned into sighs and she looked up.

"Harry?" she said voice horse from all he crying "I have something to tell you."

"Uh, okay," he said taking in her face from her beautiful tear stained cheeks, to the wet lashes around her deep chocolate brown eyes.

"Promise not to freak out?" Ginny asked a note of dread in her voice.

"Ginny," said Harry sternly "what have you done?"

"Promise?" she said again

"Yes, fine I promise."

Ginny stepped back from Harry and rolled up her sleeve revealing half a dozen or so inch long parallel cuts. Harry's face traveled through many emotions, none of which she could discern.

"Gin," he said softly "when did you do this?" he asked picking up her arm to examine more closely.

"Ummm," she said, still trying to figure out his facial expression "a while ago," she finished lamely. But the she recognized it, his face was covered in disappointment, "I'm soooo sorry Harry," she managed to choke out before bursting into a fresh wave of tears. Harry's face contorted from disappointment to pity and then settling on the expression he'd worn whenever they had been together in the last year and a half, and expression she knew well, love.

"Awww, don't Gin come on we'll get through this together, we'll go to madam Pomfrey and she'll get rid of them, then we'll work through it everyday until you don't feel like that anymore." Harry whispered pulling her into a hug.

"No one can know Harry," Ginny squealed "Mum would kill me!" she began to cry harder.

"Now that's enough Gin," Harry commanded "we'll make sure your mum doesn't find out, Madam Pomfrey doesn't ask too many questions." Ginny stopped crying but continued to worry

"Harry, she'll ask questions about this, this is personal harm! She'd be crazy not too."

"Stop worrying Gin, we'll talk to her first. Lets go up you're right we should deal with this before your mum finds out or all hell will break loose."

************************************************************************

When they entered the hospital wing it was full of people. Everyone with serious or long lasting conditions had been moved to St. Mungo's but all the same it was full of people with non-life threatening conditions and those who only needed minimal attention for a short period of time. Of course those weren't the only people it appeared that for every one person getting attention there was AT LEAST one other visiting, therefore the place was jammed.

Everyone stopped what they were doing when Harry and Ginny entered, but that was to be expected, Harry who had just defeated the Dark Lord was going to be a celebrity for a very long time, and Ginny's face was still red and tear stained. Even Madam Pomfrey, who was pouring violently colored potions into medicine cups, stopped mid pour, and after a few moments the medicine cup she was filling began to overflow. That got everyone's attention, as bright violet goop snaked its way across the floor.

"Oh my," squeaked Madam Pomfrey as she dropped the entire bottle in shock "sorry everyone, sorry," she said searching franticly for her wand.

"Here Madam Pomfrey, I'll do it," Harry said advancing and pulling out his wand as he went. "Evenesco," he muttered pointing his wand at the broken remains of the bottle and the puddle of potion that was making a break for freedom.

"Ah, thank you Mr. Potter. Now what can I do for you?"

"Well," Harry started "Ginny and I were wondering if we could talk to you for a moment."

"Of course my boy. Talk away," she said brightly.

"Alone," Harry said very clearly and purposefully. Madam Pomfrey's face fell as a thought crossed her mind, she really hoped it wasn't correct, but it usually was.

"Very well then Potter, Weasley my office."

************************************************************************

Madam Pomfrey had seen this before, either a young girl or a young couple would come to her once every few years, they would look just as tired and shaken as these two were and often they would be crying, Miss Weasley had defiantly been crying.

Pregnancy at this age was a bitch, she knew well the mother would drop out of school, and not come back, they couple would be parents before they're even done being children, and the child, the child would not have the best life, no matter how hard the parent or parents tried. None of them were ever ready, none of them understood how -for lack of better word- BAD this was going to be. And Madam Pomfrey hated this the most out of all the duties of her job, if Hogwarts would just offer a health education plan, most, if not all wizarding teen pregnancies would be avoided. Dumbledore had refused, and with good reason. That was a topic that the parents traditionally handled, some would be very angry if Hogwarts had done something.

She pulled her mind from the gutter and focused of the present, dreading the news she was about to receive. Why did it have to happen to them? After all the good he had just done, after freeing so many lives, they were just complicating theirs right back up again.

"So, what can I do for you?" She asked wondering how long she had sat in the chair behind her desk thinking.

"Well," Harry began "we have a bit of a problem." Madam Pomfrey blew out a breath

"Okay," She said slowly "what type of problem?"

"We . . . well, we need you to heal something, but we have to ask you not to ask questions." Madam Pomfrey was completely thrown, 'so,' she thought 'if she's not pregnant then what?' She continues to talk in her head for a few moments before asking the obvious.

"What do you want me to heal?"

"Come on Ginny," Harry said turning to the so far silent girl "show her." A tear ran down Ginny's cheek as she reached for her sleeve pulling it up to expose her forearm.

"Great heavens child what have you done?!?!?!" Madam Pomfrey screeched. At this more tears poured down Ginny's face, she yanked her sleeve back down and made to get up, but before she could start rising Harry had scooped her up into his arms and hugged her tightly, throwing a dirty look in Madam Pomfrey's direction. Ginny couldn't move, Harry was crouching beside her hanging on for dear life, but she found being in his tight embrace made her feel better, she found she didn't want to move anyway.

"Sorry dear," Madam Pomfrey said after regaining her composure "I was just a little startled." She went over to a cupboard and pulled out a jar of something walking over to where the pair sat she gently pried Harry off Ginny and reached for Ginny's arm. Ginny let her take it and pull up her sleeve still crying silently. Madam Pomfrey applied a large amount of ointment to the scars and conjured bandages to cove it.

"They will be gone by this time tomorrow," she said quietly, waking back o her desk and plopping herself behind it.

Ginny's tears steadily died down until she was just sniffling, she wiped her eyes with the palms of her hands and looked up at Madam Pomfrey,

"Thank-you," Ginny said weakly.

"That's what I'm here for my dear," Madam Pomfrey replied. "But the thing is Miss Weasley, I'm going to have to tell your parents, and we're going to have to get you some help."

"Oh please no don't tell them," Ginny wailed "Mum'll have a fit and Dad'll have that disappointed parent look on, please, please, please don't tell them."

"Madam Pomfrey?" Harry started "I realize that you're worried about Ginny and normally the right thing to do would to be tell her parents but I strongly feel that that would be a mistake."

"Okay and why is that?" She asked.

"Because ma'am, Ginny was under extreme amounts of pressure when this happened and she didn't have access to the proper ways of handling it. Also because everyone is under extreme amounts of pressure right now from the battle and loosing loved ones, it would just hurt people to know. I assure you that Ginny and myself are going to talk through this and we will tell people when she is ready, it's just that right now isn't really a great time to do that." After Harry's long speech Madam Pomfrey sat in silence for a good five minute before answering

"Alright, Mr. Potter, Miss Weasley, I have decided not to tell Molly and Arthur for the time being, but I do need to talk to Harry alone for a moment if he is the only person to know."

Ginny left the room to wait for Harry in the Hospital Wing while Madam Pomfrey drilled it into his mind all of the warning signs of depression, and everything he has to keep an eye on especially when she is under great stress. She pushed that they were to tell her parents as soon as possible because it was dangerous with only one person knowing, they could get caught up in their own problems and neglect to see what is right in front of them. After reassuring her that Ginny was going to be fine and that he would do everything she said he too got to leave her office to find Ginny, he thought that right now a very, very long walk was in order.

************************************************************************

Harry and Ginny were walking around the lake in silence; neither of them had spoken to each other since Ginny left Madam Pomfrey's office. Harry had come out to collect her and lead the way down into the Entrance Hall and out the front doors, and now they were meandering around the vast lake. Harry stopped under a smallish beach-tree and pulled Ginny down beside him out of the direct sunlight. It was a beautiful, hot, humid da but they were alone outside.

"Ginny," Harry said unsure. Ginny looked at him and just stared. He was so god damned sexy, his shapely body was enticing and she couldn't think of anything else. She leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek.

"I love you Harry," she whispered intimately in his ear.

"I love you too Gin, but we gotta talk about his."

"Not right now we don't," she said with a suggestive smile.

"We really shoul-" but he rest was cut off when Ginny put her lips over his, instantly silencing him. Ginny moved closer so she could deepen the kiss but he got there first. Harry put pressure on Ginny to lay her down and she didn't object, laying back onto the fresh grass and he cam with her, their mouths never parting. He had one hand on either side of her head supporting himself but keeping him close enough. His tongue sought entrance by licking her lips and gently parting them, again he obliged wanting to feel him in her mouth. They continued in this manor for a while before surfacing.

"More," Ginny demanded.

"Sure thing Doll," Harry replied before coming down on Ginny's lips. While he was exploring her mouth his hands explored some territory of their own. Pushing his hand up her shirt, it dancing over her velvety smooth skin and up to her breast. He massaged each breast in turn, causing Ginny to moan into his mouth. He disconnected their lips and trailed kisses down her neck and jaw still working his magic on her chest.

"This is good," Ginny breathed.

"Yes it is," he replied between kisses.

"We should do it more often,"

"We will,"

"Promise?" she asked, almost pleading

"Double promise," he replied sensing her insecurity and pulling his hand out of her shirt and raising head to look her in the eye.

"Don't you ever break-up with me again," she said.

"Wouldn't dream of it Gin," he said smiling.

"I mean it Mr. Potter," she said a little playfully "all this," she waved her bandaged arm in the air, "is your fault." She had never seen Harry look as sad as he did after she said this. He sat back on the grass leaving her free to sit up.

"Ginny," he said so seriously and sorrowful "I am so sorry."

"Don't worry about it now Harry, what's done is done and can't be undone, just promise to never ever leave me again, and help me deal with what I did."

"I promise Gin, I promise."

"I love you Harry," she said snuggling into his chest.

"Love you too Ginny," he replied, pressing a kiss into her hair, "and I always will."


End file.
